Happy Sanctity of Human Life Day!

I'm sorry I didn't get you a card or anything, but I hope you'll join us for our annual Sanctity of Human Life Day festivities. We'll be cutting the Sanctity of Human Life brisket around noon, then we're marching to the Planned Parenthood clinic to lob Molotov cocktails at the abortion technicians. As usual, Reverend Jim will be leading the Reconciliation of Incompatible Beliefs, focusing this year on the Great Conversion in Iraq and the obvious distinction between "human beings" and Muslims and other terrorists. And you definitely don't want to miss tonight's candlelight vigil as we observe the Lamentation of Murdered Fetuses. There will be much wailing and carrying on, then we're going back to the house for pie.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you're probably one of those atheistic Liberals. May God have mercy on your soul, you degenerate, heathen bastard. For the rest of us, today is a day to celebrate the sanctity of life and, in the words of President Bush, to "rededicate ourselves to compassionate service on behalf of the weak and defenseless, and reaffirm our commitment to respect the life and dignity of every human being." Created by Presidential proclamation, Sanctity of Human Life Day was first celebrated on January 20, 2002, just days before the ignominious anniversary of Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court decision that legalized in utero baby murder. Thankfully, under the moral leadership of President Bush, America is set to usher in a new era, taking another great leap forward in our collective effort to build "a culture of life." And by God, our thirst for justice will not be sated until control of reproductive decision making is wrested from the hands of irresponsible women, and they are driven back into the shadows of the alleys from which they slunk more than three decades ago.